I am moving to this new Wordpress blog.
It should load easier than this one, and I hope to be just a bit more anoymous on it by password protecting individual posts. E-mail me at docgrumbles@gmail.com for the password. (Yes, I did spell it wrong at first...D'oh!!!)
I'll be updating my blogroll in the next few days. If I fail to add your blog, say something!
I'll password protect this entire Blogger site within one week. SCRATCH THAT: I want to be able to leave a sort of forwarding address for anyone following an old link, so I will delete all the old posts next weekend and then leave one post providing the link to the new blog. See y'all at my new digs!
Sending bottles out across the ocean...
Friday, March 28, 2008
posted by Dr. Grumbles at 9:12 PM
12 Comments:
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hey there, I haven't commented before but I read your blog regularly... I'd love to continue with you over at wordpress, whether or not you allow me the password. I know it's weird to let complete strangers in on all your stuff, so I'll understand if you don't. If you do, this comment should allow you to reply directly to me. THanks, and be well!
At 10:51 AM, 
Dear barren women,
Accept the fact that children are a privilege, and remind yourself that many people live happy and fulfilling lives without parenthood.
You have the necessary alternatives, like adoption, to fulfil the desire, and your mental frustration can be resolved if you rid yourself of your toxic feelings of entitlement. You can be happy without children, but not if you’ve convinced yourself that you were meant to have them. Human beings can adjust to unbelievable hardships, as long as they accept that life doesn’t owe them anything.
Not having children is a very minor problem compared to what some people endure, and the fact that it requires the creation of another person without their consent should be adequate proof that it isn’t a right. Yet by identifying as “infertile” you’ve chosen to align yourself with a group of women who view parenthood as a human right. Saying that you are “desperate” for a baby sends the same message, as though a baby was a basic human entitlement like food.
The maternal instincts of humans are strong, but they are not outside of your control. You can satisfy your desire for parenthood and nurturing by adopting, just like everyone else who finds themselves infertile at the time. It is only to be expected that you’ll have moments when you long for a biological child, but you decide if you will allow yourself to wallow in your longing or if you will focus on finding more productive ways to spend your time.
If you are truly depressed then it isn’t because you are infertile, but the belief that you are being denied something that you are entitled to could contribute to your problems. It’s not infertility in itself that will hurt your emotional health, it’s the way you think about parenthood. A lot of the same women who identify as "involuntary childless" are the same ones who define femininity by motherhood, and with that attitude, not having children begins to equal not being a woman – and that idea could contribute to a crisis.
I want to make one thing absolutely clear: If you believe that you are suffering from depression, you need to seek help from a professional. If you used the word “depressed” more colloquially to say that you feel sad and unhappy, you may still want to discuss your feelings with a therapist, but sadness and frustration would be a normal response to being robbed of something that you view as a human right. That is obviously not what is happening to you, but emotionally you will respond to events as you experience them as opposed to how to they really took place.
Infertiles often talk about discrimination and stigma. Natural selection declares that not every single individual is supposed to reproduce. Infertiles do not want to accept this, so they choose to believe that women are being denied something in an act of discrimination. Being the victim of discrimination multiple times a day, being denied something that you are entitled to, and watching as everyone else but you experiences what you want would be extremely upsetting. That’s not what’s going on though, so happiness can be found by shedding your voluntary delusions.
You are not entitled to children, you don’t deserve to create and own a living creature, and the fact that nature itself has declared this speaks volumes to that. You do not need children, and you can be happy without them.